Why do we hide...

As a child we play hide and go seek for fun. We run around squeezing between the sofa and the wall or under the table snickering as our opponents call out our name. The giggles, laughter and the screech upon getting found can fill a room with joy. The game itself, however, requires one to be found, otherwise the game can be dull, boring and in some cases depending on how good your actual hiding space is, scary, if not found within a decent amount of time.

Imagine for a moment, as a child, finding that perfect hiding spot, squeezed in, seemingly claustrophobic if you weren’t determined to be the last one found. You wait and you wait, and you wait for them to find you. But then the noises of name calling and shuffling of those playing becomes quieter and quieter, until there seems to be no one there looking anymore. You hid too well. Will you ever be found? Did the other players give up and move on to something else and left you there sitting in the dark? Sounds like every child’s nightmare right. So why as adults, do we sometimes do this to ourselves.

Once we age, we sometimes shift the game and find ourselves hiding or retreating when in reality we need people, family, or friends the most. We self-sabotage in a way.

I know someone who is simply magical. She is strong in so many ways for everyone around her and great at keeping everyone around who is, happy. She doesn’t put herself first, particularly when it comes to others. However, when SHE is in pain, she retreats.

She hides away in the corner somewhere, doesn’t open up to those who love her the most, and keeps her secret life of the pain she is in, just that, a secret.

Why do we sometimes do that? When we are the most sorrowful, the most stressed, or simply crushed because we feel life itself is crushing us, we retreat. We hide.

It broke my heart to hear her say, ‘you are the only one who knows this’, and ‘you are the only one I open up to about this’. And let’s be honest, I damn near dragged it out of her. I could see the pain, so clearly. I could feel the ‘she’s off’ space. I could hear her hidden voice pleading for help but not actually allowing herself to feel the comfort of those who love her to do just that, comfort her.

People need people. We need each other to be there when life is hard, to stand beside us when we face tough situations, to sometimes tell us we are wrong, or to assure us our feelings are valid. Loneliness is never the answer.

Hide and go seek is a game that is only enjoyable when there is more than one person playing and when the objective is to always be found. We were not meant to be alone in this life or to feel like no one can relate or even just hold our hand in the process.

The more we hide and retreat the greater the depth of loneliness and despair we find ourselves in. And in some cases, when you do come up for air, some of your people may have given up looking. Not saying it is right, but it can easily happen. Limited communication leaves quite a bit of room for miscommunication.

It would be a whole lot easier to be there for those you care for if they actually allowed themselves to be found. To make themselves available when someone calls or better yet picked up the phone fully knowing what was waiting for them on the other side.

When we find ourselves retreating or hiding for whatever reason, that is precisely when we should seek, but seek to be found. That is exactly when life should tell us to reach out and ask for help or a loving ear. And that is exactly when the game of hide and go seek requires more than one to play and the one hiding to find themselves out of the dark, squeezed in, hiding spot they have created for themselves.