Aunties Unite...for it takes a village; Part 1

I can do this alone but why would I want to. For it takes a village and I know that once I check my pride my daughter will be that much better off for it.

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Aunties Unite…for it takes a village; Part 1

I can teach my daughter so many things in life and in love and I look forward to every single moment of it. I love that I will teach her how to find her passions and talents, and about loving exactly who she is and who she is meant to be. I can guide her on bullies and hate and on love and loss. I can teach her confidence; real true confidence I wish I would have had. I can pray and teach her to learn from my many mistakes and hope she is far better a woman than I someday. She has already surpassed me on so many levels now and she is just a little thing. I can teach her to laugh and to love and to let God take the lead. I can be and teach my daughter so many things but to love her is to ensure she has a village behind her, for everyone knows there is strength in numbers.

I can pray now, that I will remain my daughter’s best friend and the single person she confides in, but we all know that will eb and flow. There will be times when she will think I am the greatest thing and others ‘ugh, your embarrassing me mooommmm”. In those moments I will have to rely on those in my tribe that I love and trust, those I know have her best interest in heart, and who’s advice I know is sound.

I hope my best friends and my sister and sisters-in-laws are there in those times ready and waiting to check in and check out.

I hope that my sister will have built a relationship with my daughter that allows my daughter to trust her when she feels alone and confide in her when she doesn’t want to hear from me. I hope my best friends (nonfamily, but family sisters nonetheless) will be able to see her hurting when I can’t and will step up and lend an ear and a hug. (Yeah, that’s you April, Kalyssa, Lauren, Danielle, Karolina and Nicole!!) And I hope my Sister-in-law’s (as my Mother-in-law likes to say “sisters-IN-LOVE and Mother-IN-LOVE”; Kinila, Kiniqua, ReNique, and Kay) will be there to love on her as I know they will and empathize with her blackness and guide her through that journey.

I have a mixed-race daughter. She is black. I am white. But I am not a black woman, I can never truly teach what it is to be a black woman, what that means and how that feels. Yes, I can braid, I know what some coconut oil can do for her skin and hair, and I can teach her about racism as heart wrenching as that will be. I can teach her and show her that her beauty IS her beautiful blackness but also what is inside. But as her white mom, I need the help of her Aunties and Nana to help her and guide her. I need them to teach me and lead me as her mom. I need them to teach her and lead her. I trust them totally, truly I do. They are some pretty amazing women; strong, beautiful inside and out, smart, loving, fun, and kind. Oh, and did I mention they were black women. (sorry with all the mess that is going on right now, I find it important to help debunk the idiotic stigmas out there. They are all those things and beautifully chocolate. Their skin does not make them those things it is their character and it is so very strong and should be coveted, and in a lot of ways I do.) I honestly feel inferior to them in a lot of ways and I know I will have to check my jealousy when my daughter goes to them for advice or guidance because they have something I can’t give her, I am not black. But I know with everything I am she hit the jackpot. I could ask for no greater example. In fact, they are part of the reason I regret not taking the time when I was younger, and my nieces needed that foundation with me, and I was unaware of it. I watch the relationship they have built, and they live thousands of miles away. I will take their lead and hope to change and build better foundations with my loved ones, thanks to the example they have shown me.

It takes a village and each of those in mine are strong and bring individually something special to me and my daughter. My sister brings love and loyalty and a sense of my upbringing the good and the bad and knowing what to hold on to and what to make sure doesn’t pass through the generations. My Sisters-in-Love bring a new perspective and a different upbringing that only helps make my daughter and myself be more well-rounded. And my besties, bring a special layer of fun and love that is chosen not automatic, reminding myself and my daughter that they choose to be in our corner, and they choose to help make us better because they love us. Those in my village that are white bring strength and those that are black bring strength. I would never exclude one over the other, for that would mean I exclude an equal part of my daughter. I choose to celebrate every part of her, from her beautiful blackness to her beautiful whiteness and her caramel color in between.

For it takes a village…and mine is strong.