If it is meant for you...IT WILL FEEL LIKE HOME

Since my last post, stemming from a poem I was given, I have come to realize that the poem itself has so many applications to it. From, conversations I have had with friends or loved ones going through tough times and either needing a swift kick in the ass, a reality slap or a reminder that what is meant for you, will be for you and it will inevitably make you better for it. It also applies to those thinking of career choices or job inquiries. It applies to relationships old or new. And it even can apply to past traumas in some ways as although awful to have experienced, it changed you and, in some ways, made you who you are today and can help shape who you choose to be now, post trauma. For me, the poem kind of hits all of the above but these truly stand out.

First, my current effort into this blog. It’s moving along and getting some traction, but I have no idea at this time if it is going to be anything other than what it is right now. But that doesn’t mean that it is not meant for me. I enjoy it. And it is very therapeutic for me. I can do it whenever my body and mind allow me to. I do not have a lot of pressure or anxiety with it, and for now, I feel as though it is healthy for me and in some ways helping to heal some very broken parts of me. So, yes, it is meant for me today, probably tomorrow, and hopefully after that.

“If it’s meant for you,

you won’t have to constantly question if it is.

You won’t have to look for signs or ask for advice or look for confirmation that it’s right. You’d just know...

It will feel like home...

It will be healthy for you.”

Second, it hits home with relationships that I have old and new. The older I get, and the more I try to focus on becoming the best, healthiest version of myself, the more I realize that who I surround myself with, matters. This world can be so cruel. Some people can be so hateful and spew such awful things. There is racism, jealousy, fear, greed just about everywhere you look. It is safe to say, that you would be hard pressed not to find it if you went looking these days. Some people can be so draining. They can drain you emotionally, and even suck the fun or joy out of a room. I have enough stress of my own to surround myself with people who simply add to it. It’s tough I know. Sometimes it’s difficult to choose not to be around some people, because maybe some of those people have been in your life a really long time. I am not one to cut someone out completely, because I do believe in the possibility of change and growth and if anyone can spot a friend going through some things and needing just a bit of grace, it’s me. I can though, with certainty, limit my interactions and do so purposefully. Not to be mean, or vengeful, just simply to protect myself and what is best for me and what is meant for me. Because these days, I can’t handle someone who brings out the worst in me. I need to surround myself with people who make be better as a person, who bring joy or a sense of comradery, or at minimal don’t add to the daily stresses I already have every time we interact. Today is about peace. Tomorrow is about peace and hopefully the day after.

“If it’s meant for you, it won’t be toxic.

It won’t bring out your insecurities or your fears or the worst in you

because it will bring peace into your life and into your heart…

It will make you feel safe.

It will give you one less thing to worry about.

It will be healthy for you.”

Lastly, my relationship with the hubs. I was never the girl to daydream of getting married or of being a mother. I just kind of lived my life, day to day. I was not looking for my husband when I met him. In actuality, I wasn’t even looking for a boyfriend. I was just doing me, as I usually did when he came crashing in. From our very first date and every day since, he has slowly made me a better version of myself. He has helped me heal from some very painful experiences and some extreme traumas, gently and with compassion, but still with a constant pursuit to grow and heal from them rather than dwell on them. He has stood by my side, literally sleeping in an uncomfortable chair in the hospital for days just to be by my side. He’s told me when I was wrong or giving something too much thought as I often do. He has been my compass in so many ways, as I look to him for guidance and direction. Not because I am a woman incapable of making her own decisions or because I whimper to my husband, as I am sure he would confirm, I am not that kind of woman. But because, I genuinely trust his opinion and his guidance. He has never steered me wrong and never selfishly guided me.

Our wedding song is by Michael Buble, ‘Home’. It is the epitome of how I feel about my husband. He is home to me. When he is around, I am calmer, happier, filled with less anxiety, laugh more, and simply put, I am a better version of me when I am around him. He came like a wave crashing over me and changed me, created with me a new home. One that I pray stands the test of time and continues to grow more and more in love each day. He is home to me today, hopefully tomorrow and everyday thereafter.

“Because what’s meant for you doesn’t come around very often,

but when it does,

when it’s not another lesson or another mistake,

when it’s finally yours after everything you’ve endured

and everything you’ve been through,

it comes like a wave washing over you.

It feels like home.”

Because, life can be long or it can be short, and not a one of us knows which it will be. This poem reminds me that each day is a gift and how or who you choose to share that gift with, matters. The days are yours, but tomorrow is always a toss of a coin. I will continue to focus on the things and joys in my life that do just that, bring me joy. That remind me of who I am and who I want to be. That bring health and wellness into my life not take it away. And that most importantly, feels like home.